I love lazing around my parents’ house, pretending that I’m only here because it’s the holiday season instead of my puppy and I needing a place to crash after I quit my job for no good reason. Yes, there’s Christmas music is in the air, and the tree is all decorated with care. Never mind that my dog is chewing the bows off of the bottom rows. Lets get down to this week’s amazing dish!
- Send Mom to the store at least a week before you get around to actually making the dip.
The Shopping List
- Wake up one Saturday feeling particularly productive.
- Eat breakfast, take a shower, clean your room, and do some laundry.
- Think about getting ready to do some writing, but get distracted with tidying up your email inbox instead.
- Email tidy, further avoid any real work by wandering into the kitchen for a snack.
- See Dad on the couch reading his Kindle.
- Ask him how to make Buffalo Dip.
- “Throw some shit together,” he says.
- Respond, “I can do that.”
- Throw some shit into a pot – low heat – with the finely chopped, nearly fresh herbs.
The $64,000 question:
- How much do we want to make?
- There’s three of us and a whole weekend to eat it.
- What we’re making will probably be enough for 12 people.
- Leave well enough alone.
- Take the crackers away from Mom so she doesn’t eat them while the dip cooks down.
- Sit around the kitchen table while the smells filling the air make everyone wonder if there’s something quicker in the fridge.
- Dad grabs a beer and reads his Kindle in between bouts of stirring. He hasn’t added the chicken yet, but it’s cut up.
- Mom decides to eat half of a sandwich over the sink, remarking on the weather through the window, “I’m so glad to finally see some sunshine!”
- Use your Chromebook to start typing up a recipe for buffalo dip.
- Get stuck about halfway through. It’s going to take longer than you thought, and now you’re hungry too, and maybe you need a cigarette. And damn it, how did you end up being productive while trying to procrastinate?
- Watch Dad take the pot off the burner. Its contents have been bubbling for a while now.
- He lets is cool for a minute or three.
- He puts the chicken in a bowl and adds a little of the creamy stuff from the pot and some buffalo sauce to taste.
- He starts a’mixing.
- Realize that the stuff in the mixing bowl is the dip. It’s all of the dip. There’s still a bunch of the creaminess in the pot, and there’s still some chicken he hasn’t cut up yet.
- Wonder if that was the plan all along as he puts cling wrap over the mixing bowl and puts it in the fridge.
- Remove bowl from fridge when he leaves the kitchen.
- Take a picture of it all next to each other.
- Put bowl back into fridge.
- Come to the conclusion that this dip is gonna be rad in about an hour.
- Until then, procrastinate some more.
- Wait all of 13 minutes.
- Decide that it’s probably been long enough.
- Grab the crackers you were hiding, and
- Munch on that awesome Buffalo Dip all day until you realize you never took a final final pic of it.
- Stop the writing you finally got around to doing and go get the bowl out of the fridge.
- Put some crackers next to the half-eaten delicious mush and take a picture.*
And there you have it
It’s as easy as wasting a whole day.
If you have a recipe you’d like me to try, share the link or give me an easily searchable name for it. The comment section works really well, but if you want to be all secretive about it, try the contact form instead!