2018

The Correct Way to Hold a Spatula

“The duck quacks itself awake.”
It was a passphrase. He was leaning toward me, voice low in the din of the diner.
I was just walking by.
“The moose agrees with the bear?”
It was the best I could come up with.
The man wore a cheap black suit, tie, glasses. He swung his bootcamp buzz cut toward the booth. Was it an invitation or a command?
“I’m just looking for the can,” I informed him. “Can I hit you on the way out?”
“The aardvark slurps marmalade on Tuesday,” he emphasized. I couldn’t read his expression.
I gave two confused thumbs up and moved on about my business.

ALERT ALERT ALERT

There was once a man named Dog who had a terrible itch right in the middle of his back. No matter how he stretched and groped, he just couldn’t reach it. One day, he met a nice person who offered to help, and well, I think you know what happened then…