We took the Christmas tree down. It’s fake, so we shoved it back in the box and stuffed it into the closet for safe keeping. I was sad to see it go, but there are weird rules about new years and deconstructing the past. January doesn’t like twinkling lights. The spirit of giving scares away the groundhogs. Something like that, anyway.
Happy New Year, by the way.
Now, for the recipe.
1 head of cabbage
1 package kielbasa sausage (more if you’re good for it)
A big steamer pot
Steps 1 Through 3
- Decide that you don’t want to cook dinner tonight.
- Tell your spouse and children that they’re on their own.
- Take a nap.
Now, I know that these directions can seem a little out there, but if you’re going for the full experience, I really do recommend following them to a T. It’s the only way to fully appreciate all that this recipe has to offer.
Did you take your nap yet?
Steps 4 through 6
- Wake up just before dinner time
- Walk into the kitchen and see that no one has even thought about cooking yet
- Find the boys in the garage finishing up with a woodworking project. Realize that your teenager is behind a locked bedroom door with music that is barely music playing too loud.
Okay, so this last set of steps may be a little different depending on your household, but you get the idea. Everyone’s doing their usual thing, and dinner is just supposed to magically appear like it does every night.
- Sigh to yourself and allow your resolve to dissolve. Go back to the kitchen and stare at various ingredients, waiting for something to speak to you.
- Open the fridge one more time and realize that you just happen to have some cabbage from a meal you never got around to prepping, and hey! Is that sausage in the drawer?
- Get out that big steamer pot. Chop up the cabbage and slice up the sausage while the water is coming to a boil.
- Toss everything into the pot.
- Let is all steam til the cabbage is soft.
- Tell everyone that dinner is ready. For this one, you’ll want to prepare yourself for a couple of different reactions, just in case. A) Your spouse will say, “Oh, really? I was just going to order a pizza. This is way better!” or B) Everyone will look at you like it’s just another day in the neighborhood, having completely forgotten that they were supposed to fend for themselves.
- Roll your eyes
- Curl up on the couch with your tablet and headphones and get caught up on that show you’ve already seen three times, but they just came out with a new season, so you have to relive it all from the beginning in order to get the full effect.